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Monday, March 31, 2008
Thursday, March 27, 2008
"What Happened to all the Nice Guys?"
http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/483318927.html
Date: 2007-11-19, 3:52AM PST
I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out.
What happened to all the nice guys?
The answer is simple: you did.
See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.
At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.
Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"
Well, once again, you did.
You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.
Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.
So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:
1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.
I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.
If you were five years younger.
So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've fucked yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't fucking want you, now.
Sincerely,
A Recovering Nice Guy
Date: 2007-11-19, 3:52AM PST
I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out.
What happened to all the nice guys?
The answer is simple: you did.
See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.
At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.
Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"
Well, once again, you did.
You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.
Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.
So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:
1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.
I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.
If you were five years younger.
So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've fucked yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't fucking want you, now.
Sincerely,
A Recovering Nice Guy
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Sunday, March 2, 2008
Sunday, February 24, 2008
ALL I SEE (or, my flickr with gross commentary)
these last few weeks have been pretty awesome. maybe all my memories eventually become revisionist, but here are some of the highlights:
weekend 1, san francisco / oakland:
we started things off right at kim's backyard, a crazy korean-owned dive bar next to the stork club in the oakland cuts. crazy expensive bottled beers - i think it was $5.00 for sierra nevadas! needless to say, after about one i was done.
more (and final) vocals being recorded for our full-length, with davy our old singer making a rare gust appearance
serious burrito time at dolores park on a rare sunny saturday in february
justin's moving to new york party outside of the latin club - ironically i got a picture of some new friends, but none of he and i. this 17 year old girl that was present (not pictured) ended up giving me her phone number through justin and then adding me on myspace, but believe me officer i wasn't having it!
the next day found us in serious food coma after brunch at my old apartment in russian hill, i think we literally stayed in this position for an hour and a half, with me lying on the hardwood floor.
weekend 2: las vegas / dallas, tx
not many pictures here. here is the widely known about but rarely seen photograph of derrick in his unnatural habitat, douching it up with old college roommates club-style outside of Pure in Caesar's Palace. they somehow let us in.
which is cool, since wilmer valderrama was chilling in the vip section
this was taken the next night at some equally douchey club, and is quite literally the last thing i remember before blacking out utterly and completely for the rest of the night after one too many white russians and redbull vodkas at the blackjack table. attractive, i know.
i took a 10:00pm flight from Vegas to Dallas Fort Worth on Sunday, arriving at my hotel delirious at 3:30am and needing to be at work in less than five hours. but, that didn't stop me from seeing my favorite dads in the world monday night at this place the cavern near downtown dallas for some $2.00 bottles of lonestar, the texan's beer of choice. i also forgot that they still let you smoke cigarettes inside here, holy freaking god.
weekend 3: san diego (yes, something good actually happened here this weekend!)
i spent most of the day saturday enjoying the ocean breeze while watching brandon and ashley play at their tennis tournament. brandon lost in doubles in the semi-finals of the boys' 14s, and ashley lost in the finals of the girls' 10s. here she is seen kicking this other girls' ass in the semis, while my parents and i are thoroughly enjoying the show and couldn't give a shit whether she won or lost, since it's near-comical watching 10 year-olds chase down tennis balls. too bad her opponent's crazy satan of a mother didn't feel the same, and yelled at her daughter until she cried after the match was over.
shaun and jenn drove down from floss angeles and the oc, respectively, for heidi's birthday. we began at this Chinese restaurant called Mandarin House that served amazing tiki drinks. shaun and i ordered "the volcano," which professed itself to be only for daring couples, but we'd like to consider ourselves adventurous despite what others might think.
jenn got this awesome fortune - it was either the horrifyingly racist one written in pidgin english, or this other equally awkward one that i can't recall.
we ended up at the pink elephant where heidi's boyfriend's soul band, "the viewmasters," was opening for the night. afterwards, we went to this awesome late night japanese ramen place, and i don't think i've ever stayed out that late in san diego ever. maybe this city has some promise after all.
this morning we met up for brunch at cafe 222.
i spent the rest of the day riding my bike, playing tennis, and then playing call of duty 4 with brandon, which we'd just picked up earlier that day from sears. it was another perfect weekend.
sorry for space-hogging on this one. i'll be back in the bay the last weekend of march. i miss you guys.
weekend 1, san francisco / oakland:
we started things off right at kim's backyard, a crazy korean-owned dive bar next to the stork club in the oakland cuts. crazy expensive bottled beers - i think it was $5.00 for sierra nevadas! needless to say, after about one i was done.
more (and final) vocals being recorded for our full-length, with davy our old singer making a rare gust appearance
serious burrito time at dolores park on a rare sunny saturday in february
justin's moving to new york party outside of the latin club - ironically i got a picture of some new friends, but none of he and i. this 17 year old girl that was present (not pictured) ended up giving me her phone number through justin and then adding me on myspace, but believe me officer i wasn't having it!
the next day found us in serious food coma after brunch at my old apartment in russian hill, i think we literally stayed in this position for an hour and a half, with me lying on the hardwood floor.
weekend 2: las vegas / dallas, tx
not many pictures here. here is the widely known about but rarely seen photograph of derrick in his unnatural habitat, douching it up with old college roommates club-style outside of Pure in Caesar's Palace. they somehow let us in.
which is cool, since wilmer valderrama was chilling in the vip section
this was taken the next night at some equally douchey club, and is quite literally the last thing i remember before blacking out utterly and completely for the rest of the night after one too many white russians and redbull vodkas at the blackjack table. attractive, i know.
i took a 10:00pm flight from Vegas to Dallas Fort Worth on Sunday, arriving at my hotel delirious at 3:30am and needing to be at work in less than five hours. but, that didn't stop me from seeing my favorite dads in the world monday night at this place the cavern near downtown dallas for some $2.00 bottles of lonestar, the texan's beer of choice. i also forgot that they still let you smoke cigarettes inside here, holy freaking god.
weekend 3: san diego (yes, something good actually happened here this weekend!)
i spent most of the day saturday enjoying the ocean breeze while watching brandon and ashley play at their tennis tournament. brandon lost in doubles in the semi-finals of the boys' 14s, and ashley lost in the finals of the girls' 10s. here she is seen kicking this other girls' ass in the semis, while my parents and i are thoroughly enjoying the show and couldn't give a shit whether she won or lost, since it's near-comical watching 10 year-olds chase down tennis balls. too bad her opponent's crazy satan of a mother didn't feel the same, and yelled at her daughter until she cried after the match was over.
shaun and jenn drove down from floss angeles and the oc, respectively, for heidi's birthday. we began at this Chinese restaurant called Mandarin House that served amazing tiki drinks. shaun and i ordered "the volcano," which professed itself to be only for daring couples, but we'd like to consider ourselves adventurous despite what others might think.
jenn got this awesome fortune - it was either the horrifyingly racist one written in pidgin english, or this other equally awkward one that i can't recall.
we ended up at the pink elephant where heidi's boyfriend's soul band, "the viewmasters," was opening for the night. afterwards, we went to this awesome late night japanese ramen place, and i don't think i've ever stayed out that late in san diego ever. maybe this city has some promise after all.
this morning we met up for brunch at cafe 222.
i spent the rest of the day riding my bike, playing tennis, and then playing call of duty 4 with brandon, which we'd just picked up earlier that day from sears. it was another perfect weekend.
sorry for space-hogging on this one. i'll be back in the bay the last weekend of march. i miss you guys.
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